Feeling UnlovedMediationDivorceStarting Over
Feeling Unloved
  Equity Revisited
Feeling Unloved
  Divorce Statistics
  Traditional Roles
  Love Dilemma
  Relational Positioning
  7 Relationship Keys
  Bad Changes
  The Bad
  The Good
  Pre-Marital Services

Feeling Unloved is the Primary Reason for Divorce

As simple as it seems, and after years and years of handling divorce cases, no matter what they say or how it is rationalized, the primary reason for seeking a divorce is that the initiator feels hoplessly unloved.

How or why this happens is very complex and it is directly related to how each person sub-consciously defines "feeling loved".

Paradigm Factors
Values, Needs and Wants
Equity in the Balance

Feeling Unloved as a result of an imbalance in the Equity of the Deal is the primary reason why people get divorced: not money, not sex, not in-laws, not children, not affairs, not abuse, not alcoholism.

The circumstances, beliefs and genetics all existed when the parties formed their partnership, yet they still felt loved because they found a balance in the Equity of the Deal.

This makes sense intuitively because people get married because "they are in love". However, love is defined differently for each person based on their paradigm which affects their values. Their values in turn determine their needs and wants. A relationship that meets the needs and wants of a person makes that person feel loved. When the equities become unbalanced, the party getting the light end of the deal feels unloved.

The diagram below shows the inter-relationship of these factors and how feeling loved is a balance of the Equity of the Deal. Then an outline of the these relationships is presented with links to the details for each factor.

Feeling Unloved is the Main Reason for Divorce. This Image shows what causes the feeling of being loved or unloved
  1. Paradigm Factors
    1. Circumstances - Divorce Statistics
    2. Beliefs - Traditional Roles
    3. Genetics - Cavemen and Cavewomen
  2. Values, Needs, and Wants -
    1. Dating
    2. Sex
    3. Love Dilemma
    4. Chemistry
    5. Compatibility
  3. Equity in the Balance -
    1. Equity Theory
    2. Relational Positioning
    3. 7 Relationship Keys
    4. Marriage?
  4. Relationship Stressors -
    1. Bad Changes
    2. Adaptability
    3. Commitment
    4. Maturity
    5. The Bad
    6. The Good
    7. Love Triangles

Paradigm Factors

Have you made a reference to a common thing, and then were surprised when another person imagined that thing as something completely different than you intended?

How each of us sees the world, is interpreted through our own personally created filter or paradigm. It is more than a point of view, it is each person's unique way of thinking based upon a combination beliefs, experiences and genetics that through subconscious neuro-associations, alter the way we automatically react by default to any given set of circumstances.

The feelings generated by our paradigm, define our values, which in turn, define our needs and wants. Often changes in our circumsatnces, experienses or beliefs can dramatically atler our perspective resulting in a paradigm shift. These can be good or bad for a relationship since any inbalance in the Equity of the Deal will make one of the parties feel unloved.

The links in the outline below address the various Paradigm Factors. Understanding paradigm is helpful to resolving many disagreements because each partner may be looking at something very differently, and typically neither realizes the other has both a legitimate and different point of view.

  1. Paradigm Factors
    1. Circumstances - Divorce Statistics
    2. Beliefs - Traditional Roles
    3. Genetics - Cavemen and Cavewomen

Values, Needs and Wants

Equity in the Balance


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